Have you ever realized that you were working yourself up into a murderous froth and then realized that you couldn’t stop?
Last week was my father’s birthday and I forgot to call. Actually I didn’t forget to call. I forgot to put credit on my skype account and happened to be having a bit of money trouble. So I couldn’t put money on my skype account. That wouldn’t be a problem if my family would log into skype on their computers. They never do. I bought a skype phone number in America so that they could call me anytime. Again they never do. Actually in the nine or ten months that I have had this number my family has called me about six times. That isn’t even once a month. I on the other hand have called them countless times. I have left messages on their voicemail. I have written e-mails. I NEVER miss calling on their birthdays.
You would think that me not calling on my dad’s birthday or the week after would get a response of some sort. But no. Nothing. Actually that isn’t true. My older sister called once and didn’t leave a message.
I am annoyed. I live in Japan. I can’t see them often. I’ve been here for over five years and during that time I have gone to visit them twice. Both times it was incredibly expensive. They on the other hand have not even bothered to buy fucking passports. Every time they say we will come next year I feel like screaming bullshit at them but I can’t cause they are my fucking family. I am annoyed though. Fuck that. I am pissed.
You know I actually have tried telling myself that I am being irrational , but them not visiting or calling isn’t a new thing. They came to my university once to drop me off and that was it. They went to my older sister’s university more times than I can remember. They’ve also been to tons of shit for my little sister but they can’t seem to get up off their asses to come visit me any fucking where.
I know Japan is far from the States, but I refuse that over the course of five years they can’t scrape together enough money to send a fucking family representative. They don’t even have to all come. Just send someone. I know its a fucking long flight. I’ve done it five times. It is uncomfortable, boring, and long. At about 15 hours into it you start getting stir crazy. I know all this. I know it well.
I am just annoyed. Really pissed and I am having a really hard time trying to calm down.